I HAVE MY PINEAPPLE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Those who know me well, know that my favourite fruit is PINEAPPLE. My favourite food is Vietnamese, that and Thai.

Not having any income and being the sole supporter with sole custody of my son living in a fairly large three bedroom single dwelling to pay for, my work "transition" altered how we had to eat. THINGS WERE ABOUT TO GET PRETTY DAMN LEAN. I had several evenings where I really splurged, but aside from this, most EVERYTHING WAS:

a) outta whack,

b) going outta whack or

c) about to go outta whack

Literally from TIP 2 TAIL.

Here's a story written about a girl I know...

There I was, putting out one fire after another, after another. I can honestly say that I have never experienced stress like this in my entire life. Not only were there these physical fires, but obviously I was emotionally stressed. My confidence rattled, decision making skewed, second guessing myself, quiet, introverted even, I felt shy, afraid, tentative, dealing with feelings of depression, and then rising to the fight in anger and then transforming that anger into forward motion and learning how to, well...Float. The suckage was, on a monumentous gargantuan scale some days, other days the practice of walking into an office that turned on me and treated me so harshly bit it – for six very LOONNNGGG months.

Had it not been for the size of my mortgage payment and my son and my desire to be amicable, I might have just tootled off right away. However, a replacement income in my range wasn’t going to be right around the corner, nor was I gonna jump from the frying pan into the fire, even though the offers where there. Then there’s the failure factor. Hard enough being the single mom in Suburbia HELL around family after family in this *perfect little Dulop community* – and there I am, sticking out like a, well, like a big ugly Ogre..."Hey, look at me, the big ODD BALL failure!!!" See why I looked into hiding in the country (aka swamp) a few years ago? I wanted a place where I could just be me without feeling judged, without having what I just couldn’t have shoved under my nose every day. Albeit and illusion or not, it was what I wanted but not at the cost of a healthy relationship with myself, I’m not desperate, and I do believe that there’s someone out there for everyone.

They say timing is everything in life. It was pretty apparent that when all the stress hit at work, it’s not fun being laid off, fired, terminated, exiled, call it what you will, I was leaving that tower. So stressful that it affected my body in some really negative ways. I’m not talking about just a zit! I was so worried, that when I began to experience numbness in my feet I found myself unexpectedly bursting into a succession of tears in my doctor’s office, which ended in me crying & laughing in unison at my own cyclical teary eruptions! LOL! He wanted to know of course what was going on, which I described how the ex was wanting to reduce his child support payments, all the work issues – having really *special* bosS (see: DICKHEAD) who began to make a habit of turning away from drilling on his patient’s teeth to look up at the clock with as much drama as one could muster without saying a word – it roughly translated into “5 minutes late, and yes I’m watching". My thoughts on it, sorry my kid needed to take a shit upon leaving the house. THIS was even after I had negotiated and they had agreed to allow me a flex start time, they knew my position was not a time dependant job. Keep in mind this is an office that I consulted for, managed and navigated from what I saw as an under achieving gold mine of under one million to well over two. Imagine how I felt having that balding little fuckwad clocking me. The pettiness that reverberated through my support community towards the schleppy shvance was astounding.

Now, all this is after the numbness in my feet had occurred and reoccurred at the office, which began around the time the DIPWAD doctor I worked for began accusing me of turning his staff against birthday cake (no, I'm not kidding) and demanding I get into his office cuz he was “really pissed off” – I kid you not. The fact that I brought to his attention that staff were complaining that he had begun to take x-rays and freezing the wrong quadrant may have been a deeper indication as to what he may have been experiencing, but nonetheless, this is my story. My doctor didn’t fool around, he sent me directly for blood tests. His concern was Lou Gerig’s disease or MS. Being that my best buddy died of MS complications eight years prior, only freaked me out just a little bit more. Long story short, all was well in those categories, but my stress was off the charts.

Victim? I don't think so. I stood up for myself and called it when I saw the monkey shit flyin’. The rest I chaulked up as what could either go down in history as the biggest waste of my time, fighting for a shit sandwich OR my quickest (not easiest) most effective way out of what had turned sour and into a new healthier sweeter new world.

So. I have a job again. I also have pineapple and almonds and other healthy goodies back in my house! The appearance of my skin is even coming back to normal. The long and short of it, my health, which I was really concerned about, so much so I was taking all sorts of new vitamins and special veggie drinks to ward off the stress….Such typical traits of the Virgo girl. Yeah, a little high maintance....

So yes, SOMETIMES LIFE SERVES YOU LEMONS, but it's short lived and if you're any kind of PIRATE ....

You SUCK the damn lemons so ya don't get scurvy and you're BLOODY THANKFUL FOR THEM!!!

ARRRRRRG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!