White Sugar

Life is weird sometimes
And even at thirty-six years old
I find myself needing to give myself permission
To unfold and create my life EXACTLY the way I want

Annnnd then in other scenarios,
Our bodies choose for us.
It could be a pancreas that just doesn’t produce insulin
It could be emotional pains that go unmet and instead
A person self medicates with alcohol until their liver quits (or wife quits)
Just goes to show how important it is to listen
To what it is you body really really wants and really really needs
There’s no denying it
You need to by your own "Good Parent"

I’m a HUGE environmentalist
PLANES bug my ass
TRAVELING pisses me off
Yes, even though I’ve been from Texas, to Jamaiica, Hawaii to Paris, BC to Newfoundland, California to Florida and everywhere inbetween twice,
PEOPLE irritate the hell out of me with our tree cutting, water polluting, air wrecking, ozone depleating ways
Basically anything that lends itself to the contribution to earth unfriendliness
Yet, at the same time I participate!
It’s a vicious cycle
I find myself LOATHING myself for merely being HUMAN at times
It seems that we're never settled, never content, it's never big enough, fast enough,
new enough, clean enough, shiney enough, or comes with enough $$$$$$
(Thar be the Bono in me)
Boo is right when she e-mailed me, that Mourning Dove was here before me!
But WTF, I’m not leaving (not yet anyway)!!
So how the hell do we live in a planet that we DESTROY every day?
It’s just a quirkiness about me, I can’t deny it, it just IS
Every time they cut down more of the forest here where I live
It makes me TENSE.
Maybe because I’m an earth sign?
Maybe because I care.

About our bodies, I’m hypoglycemic
I self diagnosed myself years ago
After acknowledging it wasn’t normal to find my hands were shaking
After a six hour blood glucose tolerance test
Results prove I am indeed in this way
So last night while reading this blog
I am jonesin’ for a pop tart
Normally I don’t buy that crap, I can’t it wreaks me
BUT occasionally I feel guilty for Omar missing out of tasting
The CLASSICS, so I cave and buy ONE of something, just so he can experience it
So last night I eat the frickin Pop Tart
It tastes like “blech!” (Picture Snoopy’s BLEACH!!!)
It tastes like NOT REAL
It tastes like chemical, not like fruit
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech…It’s been a decade since I’ve opted for the “healthy choice”
The whole wheat, the millet, the tofu burger, the complex carb

So.
This morning I wake up
In a sugary jitter
Habitually early
And missing my whole grain goodness
My wheaties
My REAL food
With the urgency of missing your significant other after a week
Of Wife Swap.