Monday, November 13, 2006

The Nutcracker

I need a doctor, I think I’m shrinking. That, or the fashion industry has indeed been making sizing smaller than in the past. Perhaps this is the dark taboo that women everywhere don’t want discussed. BUT my weight has stayed the same for over a decade now, it seems odd to me that a previously non-existent Size 1 now fits my previously identical Size 5 figure. So, if in 10 years I have gone down four sizes without doing anything, at this rate theoretically in less than ten years I will completely disappear according to the fashion industry.

Other shrinking trends … I’m in the market for a digital camera.
Billy over at The Plumbutt Chronicles (no, I don’t know if he has a "Plum Butt", I’m sure he does, although the true nature of a Plumbutt has still eluded me and he’s not forth coming with clues) has been taking some beautiful pictures. I began to investigate reviews on his camera, which lead me to the HP Photosmart R967 which features "slimming" technology taking pictures designed to make the subject look slimmer. They claim that by using their slimming function within the camera, subjects can be made to lose between 10 and 15 pounds from their appearance. How do you buy that one for your sweety? Merry Christmas honey, wish you were thinner… ?

Here’s the editor’s campy comments:

The HP Photosmart R967 is another brand new 10 megapixel camera, proving that there's no limit to how high the smallest digital cameras can go. The R967 features a durable, metallic body that will fit easily in the palm of your hand. The R967 also has a stunning 3.0-inch LCD display, for high-resolution previews of your 10 megapixel photos. Perhaps the most unusual feature of the R967 is HP's alleged "slimming" technology, which can modify images in the camera to give subjects a skinnier appearance. It's a unique offering, and though it may help people look better in their photos, DCHQ strongly suggests a balanced diet and regular exercise for best-quality results.

I met a cruel little beady-eyed frog-man today who picked a fight with me over a parking bill that I DIDN’T EVEN INCUR! I turned into a building to do a 5min drop off and quickly realized that I would need to take a ticket, find a parking spot in a busy lot, then go through the hassle of the booth money exchange and I wasn’t confident I had enough money to even cover parking. Before I could back out, I am being honked at from another driver directly behind me who’s just turned in to the same lot from a busy intersection. No big deal, I take a ticket and drive directly back to the booth. I hand FROG MAN my ticket explaining to that I didn’t park, I just drove in and I’m driving right back out. He tells me that I have to pay. I explain that the reason I wasn’t parking was because I didn’t have the cash, I wasn’t expecting a pay parking lot and I didn’t even park! At this point he begins to argue with me. So I look at him square in the eye, flashing him the Manson lamps and plainly ask him "Are you gonna argue with me?" He actually answered the question "Yes!" and tells me that I have to pay even though I didn’t park. I tried to explain how I was forced to pull into the lot because of the car behind me. His eyes began to bulge at the point when I told him I wasn’t paying and if he wanted to be like that, I’d sit right were I was until someone pulls up behind me and begins to honk. Realizing his defeat he begins to tell me that he’ll have to pay for me tonight if I don’t pay. BAH! As if I’m going to feel sorry for him and then change my mind! I DIDN’T PARK YOU LITTLE TOAD! I told him I was sorry that the company he works for are JERKS and the next time I come back, I’ll bring him a Timmy’s and see if it changes his disposition. As I pulled away without paying his final words “fine, I’ll pay for you tonight”.

What a prince.

Almost forgot...Later I did get a little lost (similar to being "a little" pregnant) and decided to park and eat my lunch, a much safer activity. Dr. R had called and e-mailed me in the morning, associate issue. So I used the time to call him back and we yakked about his associate issues, I advised him...more yak-yak-yak.... By the time I went to leave, my car wouldn't start! The battery was drained - I had left the lights on. D'OH! I went knocking door to door in this residential neighbourhood until some very nice man who was home sick came and gave me a boost.

What a day.

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