Saturday, October 07, 2006


Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Those who know me well, know that my favourite fruit is PINEAPPLE. My favourite food is Vietnamese, that and Thai.

Not having any income and being the sole supporter with sole custody of my son living in a fairly large three bedroom single dwelling to pay for, my work "transition" altered how we had to eat. THINGS WERE ABOUT TO GET PRETTY DAMN LEAN. I had several evenings where I really splurged, but aside from this, most EVERYTHING WAS:
a) outta whack,
b) going outta whack or
c) about to go outta whack
Literally from TIP 2 TAIL.

Here's a story written about a girl I know...

There I was, putting out one fire after another, after another. I can honestly say that I have never experienced stress like this in my entire life. Not only were there these physical fires, but obviously I was emotionally stressed. My confidence rattled, decision making skewed, second guessing myself, quiet, introverted even, I felt shy, afraid, tentative, dealing with feelings of depression, and then rising to the fight in anger and then transforming that anger into forward motion and learning how to, well...Float. The suckage was, on a monumentous gargantuan scale some days, other days the practice of walking into an office that turned on me and treated me so harshly bit it – for six very LOONNNGGG months.

Had it not been for the size of my mortgage payment and my son and my desire to be amicable, I might have just tootled off right away. However, a replacement income in my range wasn’t going to be right around the corner, nor was I gonna jump from the frying pan into the fire, even though the offers where there. Then there’s the failure factor. Hard enough being the single mom in Suburbia HELL around family after family in this *perfect little Dulop community* and there I am, sticking out like a, well, like a big ugly Ogre..."Hey, look at me, the big ODD BALL failure!!!" See why I looked into hiding in the country (aka swamp) a few years ago? I wanted a place where I could just be me without feeling judged, without having what I just couldn’t have shoved under my nose every day. Albeit and illusion or not, it was what I wanted but not at the cost of a healthy relationship with myself, I’m not desperate, and I do believe that there’s someone out there for everyone.

They say timing is everything in life. It was pretty apparent that when all the stress hit at work, it’s not fun being laid off, fired, terminated, exiled, call it what you will, I was leaving that tower. So stressful that it affected my body in some really negative ways. I’m not talking about just a zit! I was so worried, that when I began to experience numbness in my feet I found myself unexpectedly bursting into a succession of tears in my doctor’s office, which ended in me crying & laughing in unison at my own cyclical teary eruptions! LOL! He wanted to know of course what was going on, which I described how the ex was wanting to reduce his child support payments, all the work issues – having really *special* bosS (see: DICKHEAD) who began to make a habit of turning away from drilling on his patient’s teeth to look up at the clock with as much drama as one could muster without saying a word – it roughly translated into “5 minutes late, and yes I’m watching". My thoughts on it, sorry my kid needed to take a shit upon leaving the house. THIS was even after I had negotiated and they had agreed to allow me a flex start time, they knew my position was not a time dependant job. Keep in mind this is an office that I consulted for, managed and navigated from what I saw as an under achieving gold mine of under one million to well over two. Imagine how I felt having that balding little fuckwad clocking me. The pettiness that reverberated through my support community towards the schleppy shvance was astounding.

Now, all this is after the numbness in my feet had occurred and reoccurred at the office, which began around the time the DIPWAD doctor I worked for began accusing me of turning his staff against birthday cake (no, I'm not kidding) and demanding I get into his office cuz he was “really pissed off” – I kid you not. The fact that I brought to his attention that staff were complaining that he had begun to take x-rays and freezing the wrong quadrant may have been a deeper indication as to what he may have been experiencing, but nonetheless, this is my story. My doctor didn’t fool around, he sent me directly for blood tests. His concern was Lou Gerig’s disease or MS. Being that my best buddy died of MS complications eight years prior, only freaked me out just a little bit more. Long story short, all was well in those categories, but my stress was off the charts.

Victim? I don't think so. I stood up for myself and called it when I saw the monkey shit flyin’. The rest I chaulked up as what could either go down in history as the biggest waste of my time, fighting for a shit sandwich OR my quickest (not easiest) most effective way out of what had turned sour and into a new healthier sweeter new world.

So. I have a job again. I also have pineapple and almonds and other healthy goodies back in my house! The appearance of my skin is even coming back to normal. The long and short of it, my health, which I was really concerned about, so much so I was taking all sorts of new vitamins and special veggie drinks to ward off the stress….Such typical traits of the Virgo girl. Yeah, a little high maintance....
So yes, SOMETIMES LIFE SERVES YOU LEMONS, but it's short lived and if you're any kind of PIRATE ....
You SUCK the damn lemons so ya don't get scurvy and you're BLOODY THANKFUL FOR THEM!!!


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Friday, October 06, 2006

Bed Wigglin', other Gifts and Over Investments at the Chuggalug Inn

To all of the people in the back, I wanna thank you. Thank you for all your luv.

To all the people in the front, thank YOU. Thank you for believin' in me.

To everyone who said "phone that mutha f&@kha and ask him WHY!?!? What the f*%k were you thinkin!?"



This is your blog.

This is your blog on Gospel. (Aretha Franklin's influence - Amazing Grace is playing)

Hey! What a *STELLAR* day! (Yes, I can oscillate from misery on Day 4 to glee on Day 6)

I can honestly say that I have been through six months of hell at work, two months of sciatic pain after the marathon, one month of unemployed uncertainty and stress.... I finally feel the normalcy of mySELF and the security of employment just four days away. I've been frickin petrified at times, full of self doubt, worry, blech. Sucked. I made the best of it, but I don't do well unemployed, I've worked since I was eighteen. Let me say, it's been pretty damn dry other than riding my bike, hanging with my friends and parenting. Did I mention I will have gone through 2 months without any pay? I can't believe I don't have MORE zits.

Summer was great. Dating was FUN that's for sure!

Tonight I hosted "Boy's Night". It closely resembled chaos and a whole lotta fun! Four young lads running crazy in the basement while the dog chased his tail. The new "games room" was a big hit. The punching bag makes a great swing.

Spoke with the men in my life that I love and who love me back, heard from King of the Grotto, Anum in CA who said "call him", The Pres (I'm setting him up with my financial consultant)"call him and I think you have a pretty good idea of just how beautiful you are and what a wonderful woman you are in every way...", my bro "what day you comin' up? you bringing the boyfriend....yeeesh :-/ sorry, talk about putting my foot in my mouth *much laughter*, you're gonna ask him why huh?..", got to eat lunch with my new boss, (who, I must say reminds me of Tony from The Sopranos) and my buddy Brainacle. Got caught up with ML and T "did you call him YET" over a glass of wine while certain destruction occurred in the basement. King of the Grotto left me a message on my machine "...I thought that "Dipwad" was amazing. A very, very good man, it seems. I'm so happy for you, it's great. ... No Ultimate this weekend due to Thanksgiving...yada, yada, yada".

I'll get my work territory on Tuesday and ride around with Brainacle for part of the day. How refreshing was it to hear, "yeah, come in anytime between..." Octoberfest Thursday, with an "Amazing Race Challenge" and then off to Toronto for training for four days at the end of October. I'll miss Halloween, but that's the way it goes.

Help me Obiwon Kanobe, you're my only hope.

I wonder if you're a Jewish Star Wars fan if you say "yoda, yoda, yoda".

(Weird Al - Star Wars Cantina is playing)

Well, Jiffy, it's been a pretty good day. Seven months in the waiting. Hockey comes early, so as Marvin Gaye plays me out with "When a Man Loves a Woman"... I bid you, Good night.


Thursday, October 05, 2006

A Little Gasoline

There are benchmark times in life when it’s appropriate to drown your sorrows a little bit with the tutelary company of your girlfriends. Last night my boyfriend phoned me - no less, to break up with me. Classy. What a prince. Ogres apparently don't have feelings.

Ladies, thanks for last night. I think it’s fair to say my sorrows were drown in no particular order in: tears, laughs, wine (and perhaps some shooters) and the comfort of the most special ingredient, with good friends.

Oh, uh, The Sens won against the Leafs last night 4-1. That's alright by me.

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Did You Know That...


Bovine Bloviate



Groom and done....

Neh, too easy. Next topic.

Looking forward to watching the Sens play Toronto (read: play = BEAT).

Trailer Park Boys – I’ll see it. Bubbles = Too. Much. Fun.

To support my position as posted under "We The People Have Been Foleyed!" of what’s “Safe” to discuss as commented over at Plumbutt Chronicals, wait till you see the $ and effort that was put behind avoiding work place injuries in these very graphic commercials:

Put down your lunch (or lose it) and hit "watch it", then click on the Polaroid pics for some real pipe hits.

Baby Toupee’s for everyone!!!


p.s. I swear I need a digital camera, like a Hitchcock scene, literally over forty birds have just landed in my backyard and are picking away at the grass seed. Yikes! Forty Birds! Maybe it's a SIGN, as in the LEAF'S HAVEN'T WON THE CUP IN FORTY YEARS...

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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Safety In Numbers

Normally I sleep uninterrupted, like a baby.

For whatever reason, building a mystery maybe...too tired to sleep? Here I am. Then a flash appears, no the paparazzi haven't found me , but it does seem to me that the sky is cracking open.

What could be disturbing me? I'm kinda hungry or maybe it's...

Oprah featured guests whose partners discovered they were gay. I can relate. One gentleman who's wife was always "a little bi-sexual" realized she liked women more than men. He summed up it up for me best; the death of the dream is the hardest part. Needless to say I'm as straight as an arrow, but for obvious reasons, this show caught my interest.

This coupled with this
news: A truck driver who opened fire inside a tiny Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania, killing four students, sent the boys outside before tying up the girls and shooting them at close range, police say. Guess this is what happens when people don't process their anger properly.

Who's to say what's stirred me?

Before I find better things to do, like grabbing a book to ride out the passing storms, a thought occurred to me while laying in bed that maybe you could help me with.

In a fight, if Bruce Lee and Jackie Slater were placed in a 200 ft long, 8.5 ft wide corridor with a an 11ft high ceiling and offensive lineman Jackie Slater came charging at Bruce Lee, all 6'4", 277lbs, full torque, who'd win the take down?


"From The Breakfast Table"

Mom: Omar, who is the best fictional fighter you can think of?

Omar: Bugs Bunny ... Err ... No, Sonic

Mom: OK, we'll use Bugs Bunny first, then Sonic. Now, who is the meanest badest character you can think of? (btw, who saw that coming?? BB?? Wow, kid's a bloody genius!)

Omar: You know that guy with the beard and the guns?

Mom: Yosemite Sam?

Omar: Yeah!

Mom: OK, if they were put in a corridor, who'd win the fight?

Omar: Bugs Bunny.

Mom: OK, but WHY?

Omar: Cuz Bugs Bunny ALWAYS wins.

Who can argue with that?

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Monday, October 02, 2006

Give It Like You're Gonna Get It

Dave over at Blogography has it right, recognizing October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So, you're stuck with the pink for now. Besides I like "my girls" and I like my life just fine. So if you're gonna give it, give it like you're gonna get it.

I'm working on sharing some other things about myself here. Not something I'm so good at sometimes. Right now, I'll share that I'm chowing down on the best damn chilli going. I do like to cook.

"The Boss" is back for the afternoon. In place of a high chair, linking two climbing slings together works perfectly to bind a child into a kitchen chair. Perfectly acceptable providing you know how to tie the knot. Lucky for her, I do, and luckily for us, she was cooperative anchored in there all nice and snug.

Completely fed up with waiting for the job offer to appear I called the Branch Manager this morning and told him I needed to plan. Enough is enough. He told me I'd have the offer by tomorrow. While I believe in waiting for something good, and even though I do have my sites set, quite frankly, I'm tired of dicking around.

I'm a woman, I can be emotional like that from time to time. Prime time to book a day of paint ball. Nothing better than shooting at something you've taken aim at. I'm feeling down right fit to be tied today.

From my "Girl's Only" playlist, Sheryl Crow's "Strong Enough To Be My Man", Sarah MacLaughlin "I Will Remember You" and Terri Clark's "Girls Lie Too" play out. Like it or not, here I am. Life has taken it's one kick at this cat and stretched me to my limit.

What doesn't kill you...

For the rest of you.... I'll always have Paris, a nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live know how it goes. Here's one of my favourite pics, simply because I envisioned the picture, I knew what I wanted to see and I made it happen steady as can be with my father's beautiful old Tripod.

*Click on it to make it all BIG and yummy.*

Norah Jones says is best...

Come Away With Me,


Paris - April 2005

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

"Grab Life By The Horns"


"Original Motorsport"


"Because Every Weapon Needs A Master"


No Where To Hide.

What kind of world am I living in when I need a frickin' MAP to navigate a %^#*@ grocery store?