Saturday, March 18, 2006

Pet Bombs

Observations of life:

9:21pm – GEESE! Normally I don’t hear the first goose till mid April. I wonder what the significance of hearing that first goose is? Like maybe when you're in heaven, they'll say, remember when you heard that early goose?...Well THAT was the day...or, that was the cue. Cue Goose! But why so early?!? ... "Hi there, I'm the early goose you heard March 18th, nice to meet you...Why so early? Oh, yes, I'd been sent word by latent beaver tail tapping that Aunt Mildred who was too sick to make the trip that year had taken a turn for the worse. I knew my wife Kate would be beside herself......."

My pets sleep patterns

It's become a house project to civilize the hamster.

After Hamtaro (RIP - there was an elaborate burial ceremony, wrapped in embroidered cloth from my late Grandmother's pillow case. Reluctant to use my BEST Tupperware, a clear Farm Boy salsa container with several labels acting as epitaphs were sufficient for a coffin) - I digress.

Remember the scene from Failure To Launch when Matthew McConnahey (yum - see here for a topless MM is bit by the chipmunk? I laughed a little harder than others in the theatre over that, as the little beast that resides with us put me through a similar experience. Imagine my son's eyes to see his new pet flailing around at the end of my pierced digit?

Well. After several..Unpleasant experiences, thoughts towards Hamtara turned...Well, UGLY. While the pet store sympathized with our position, their only recommendation was to "wait it out" in other words, "hope death comes early" blaming her behaviour on "inbreeding". My son's visions of squashing her between the pages of our rather thick "Children's Guide to Knowledge" in order to see her eyes pop out, didn't scream "sensitive", although it was loud and clear "Boy". My thoughts of letting the cat have her way with the rodent weren't helping either. It was time to take responsibility. While true we were all tainted due to our painful experiences with her, not to mention her rather disgusting bathroom habits and overgrown curly nails *blech* this wasn't the answer. We began to appreciate Hamtaro more than ever, may he RIP.

A resolution was made to do our part to "socialize" her. This along with a "visitation & behaviour" chart that we would use in order to justify her continued existence in our home. Action Plan. Using leather driving gloves (FYI: Kim you left your driving gloves at our place) for every daily documented visit the plan begins.

  • No. 1 - does she bite the glove
  • No. 2 - does she bite flesh

This goes on for several day along with a regular routine of petting, playing and research. Her exercise wheel has been out-fitted with sandpaper, which we learned from an internet site would file her nails back to a normal length. While we are good at maintaining her cage, we reconfigure her tube system and introduce a broader variety to her diet; carrots, apples nuts etc.

Strangely enough it all works. Her nails are back to normal length and most impressively, she has been displaying new bathroom behaviour. Now peeing in one dedicated section furthest away from her food dish, she relocated her bedding and recreated a nest rather than the covered burrow she had been using. She has also began eating on one side of her home and created a second grooming area.

After all of this, I'm proud we did our part. One day we felt like firing her from a self made cannon, the next there was hope. It's amazing the discussions and learning that are spawn from owing a hamster.

This whole ordeal had brought about a new observation.

One day last week I peer into her cage looking for the usual lump of furry grey. To my astonishment all I see in her nest this time is fleshy PINK. *GASP* NO! After all our efforts has she...Is she??... A residual moment of evil happiness at the thought of her death is followed by an affirming pang of panic remembering how much effort we've taken to make things right. Thoughts of twisted organs, memories of the blood found in Hamtaro's cage strike me with a knotted feeling in my stomach. Instinctively I blow on her - causing her to flip around squinty eyes with a "Who's that?! What's that?! Who goes there?!" lighting reaction. Ahh. She's alive!!

Like every other pet in this house, she has now taken to sleeping on her back. Which explains the flesh. From the furry white tummy of the dog to the soft underbelly of the cat, I am most happy to report that Hamtara too has now found the comfort that this home provides. Yes, it does look like war zone pet-bombing has occurred at times, but this vision puts a smile in my heart.


As a side note: Salticidae aka Jumping Spiders is the best way for me to visualize the absolute tension I've been experiencing. Rather than breathing, that's what it feels like inside. As if I get all tense like I'm about to jump. For some reason - that equated to jumping spiders for me.

Leprachaun trapping: Our trap did NOT produce a leprachaun. Although the green tissue paper was broken through, therefore the shiny coins DID provide a sufficient lure AND all the whiskey had been consumed. My son is determined to try again saying, "I think we need more alcohol next time".

Last but not least, an interesting link to U2 lyrics, which I thought were very cool and very clever of Bono. Being that Nancy means "Grace", my e-mail signature was chosen as influenced from this site:


"She carries a pearl in perfect condition" - U2

My bath is ready, I'm now fully awake after my 3hr crash and burn after skiing the day away with my son. Let me pin this down to, BEAUTIFUL DAY! And more to come tomorrow!!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


This along with much cheering and booing could be overheard from my son as we entertained the children at Sunday's WWF style Wrestling event. What brought us? A friend who is trying to launch his Pro-wrestling career. Now, skipping church and going to wrestling was ironic indeed. Especially considering my church home study of late has me wrestling with the concepts they're coming to the ring with! How can I be expected to treat someone of a "different religion" with any less love and respect because they worship God differently than I do. It's unacceptable. I haven't the time or notion to get into it.

While my son enjoys a couple of days in the country with family, I stay focused on work and home. Tonight was for dining and a movie with my future sister-in-law. Failure to Launch. MmmmMatthew MmmmmMcConnahey. The man is butter.

Now, back to that work of art called "My Resume".