Friday, May 18, 2007


All things Canadian...Like hockey and beer and hosers and loonies and Prime Ministers and Planes, Trains and automobiles...and....


Now Avril and I are going to ROCK OUT, cuz she's like Canadian too eh?
p.s. Guess who has tickets to see THIS arrrrrrr!!!?

Wouldn't it be cool
if the NEXT thing you read is about me seeing
Ottawa TOAST Buffalo....
In Buffalo :-)
....We have the technology.

Only Moments Ago


Me: *must be one of my friends dropping in EW! Glee! Only happy friends ring the doorbell like that!!! :)* Who could it beee!?...I answer the door to find some skinny stranger dude with a GIGANTIC handlebar moustache, which makes him look like a big tall thin letter T. He did. He looked just like the letter T. (More like the capital letter T than a lower case letter t).

My happy-happy joyous 'friend visiting feeling' is quickly replaced with : *what's he selling and why did he ring my doorbell 6,000 times? Isn't once enough? Once is plenty. It costs ME like 10cents every time someone rings the doorbell, which I can TOTALLY afford, I can, but for a FRIEND maybe, not some freaky serial killer. Yeah, he's a serial killer, cuz only a serial killer would opt for PRESS-PRESS, PRESS-PRESS-PRESS ringing a strangers doorbell.

Skinny stranger dude with a giant handlebar moustache making himself look like a big letter T aka "FREAKY MOUSTACHE GUY": Pointing behind himself at my car, which bizarrely enough is no longer in my driveway, but RATHER in the middle of the road. CRAZY MAN says to me in WAAAY TOO LOUD voice, like he's YELLING, like I'm at the backdoor, but I wasn't I was right in front of him, so it was totally unnecessary, asks "IS THAT YOUR CAR?????!!!!!!!!"

Me: Forgetting about his utter weirdness, his Yosemite Sam meets Stretch Armstrong self "Oh yeah, that's my car." I answer smiling in disbelief like my dog has just wandered away and crapped the BIGGEST CRAP imaginable on my neighbour’s lawn and I'm PROUD of it. Cuz if Simon had had an ENORMOUS crap, I would be happy for him, but know I'd have to go pick it up.

Now, if it's not bad enough to have my total relaxation being interrupted at the exact moment when I'm enjoying the way the sun beams in through the window at these precise time of day, hits my leg in that warm, "hi, I'm summer and I'm here now, winter is so gone, you can totally forget about him" was RIPPED out of my clutches by some skinny handlebar moustache toting cowboy wanna be loud taker and here's what he says next:

(here's the clincher - buckle up)


Which roughly translates into: "Heh heh, I was right you're a total looooser." Like my key being in the door was all the proof he needed to prove that I was negligent. He used that "Na-na, na, na, na-na" tempo which make me want to punch him in the head, rip off his stupid moustache and shove it down his long thin throat to watch him gag on it and choke to death. Completely unecessary attitude. He was so....Snotty!

I looked at him in disbelief.

He actually said that! Not the you're a loser part, I made that up. But the "Everyone was watching" part. I'm like, yeah, really? Everyone eh? So the crowd just magically disappeared the moment my door opened I guess eh? A magical disappearing crowd of neighbours, yeah, that happens all the time. Maybe they were staring at your moustache! You LOUD SPEAKING skinny letter T freak! Oh, or maybe they're HIDING IN YOUR MOUSTACHE, cuz that's a lot more likely. HEY! EVERYONE COME OUT NOW! IT'S SAFE, THE CAR HAS STOPPED MOVING!!!!

So, naturally I yell out to OMAR "Hey - come see this!!" He missed the total FREAKAZOID, because like his "alleged crowd" he sort of vanished into thin air. Omar was amazed at the sight of the car all the way across the road. I took a picture of it. But I don't really want you to know where I live, cuz you could be as freaky as this guy.

Here's the part I really miss, I didn't have the chance to close on this... I hop into the car, with nobody looking and I mean NOOOOO BODY, I hop into the car and the emergency brake is ON!! I KNOW!! It was so totally ON - pulled up, IN THE UP POSITION. If you were miniature little skiiers, you could totally ski down it. I look around to see if EVERYONE can see! So I can point and say SEE! SEE! The skinny freaky loud moustache T-man was WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG....So. Very. Wrong.

Even though I left the key in the door on purpose.... I'm busted on the door key thing. But I own his skinny ass on the emergency brake.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Last night I was out with a friend watching the hockey game …. He’s single and identifying where he’s at after divorce etc etc. It occurred to me from speaking to him and other guys, just how often men FREAK themselves out over relationships. It’s like they are having fun and then suddenly begin having GAK feelings towards a girl (God help us all if those feelings are deep, someone get a net - he's gonna bolt!), begin to see their entire lives flashing before them as they spin out of control. I’ve actually heard a guy say this when talking about a girl he was 'serious about', “it’s like I can see my life flashing before my eyes”…Jeeezuz. Stop with the serious already dude, YOU’RE FREAKING YOURSELF OUT! Go back, have fun, relax, shoot a gun, imagine a heist, climb a mountain….But do yourself a favour and BE COOL. Life is good. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Ride it out dude.

I’m thinking, well, here’s a newsflash. We’re all gonna die and we’re all getting older every second (hope THAT helps your anxiety – lol – yeah, like hey, you have heart disease, oh and you have cancer too, feel better? Oh, did I mention your wife is pregnant with triplets…LOL Good, good, yeah that’s a comfy vibe eh? hee hee Right, ok so now LET’S PLAN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!)….As we all know, fear & fear = paranoia. BUT, how many men are 45, 50, 55, 60 and still in search of the “holy grail” searching, searching, searching…Hey, dude, newsflash, you’re old, maybe almost dead and you didn’t figure out how to settle down and now you're alone - surprise, surprise. Maybe all they needed to do was take a deep breath, remind themselves what’s in front of them – perhaps a coffee, the newspaper, a woman, window cleaning – take a deep breath and make a decision, take a chance of continuing to have MORE fun.

Instead, what do they do? They FREAK OUT. Their emotions run high, it scares the shit out of them, causes them to internally twist and turn till they pull the plug…yet again. At what point do men STOP being afraid of loving someone? When does being tossed from the horsy on the carrousel of life not be such a scary thing and they get back on? Are men THIS sensitive and this afraid??? The answer is YES. Yes they are. Maybe one day, that twisty feeling men get that makes them want to run screaming from the dark will be interpreted in a more positive light, called excitement. Do men really need THIS much help identifying their feelings? No. I think they figure it out on their own, the smart ones do and that’s what growing up is all about. :-)

My experience from talking to men who feel like they’ve had their hearts (or in some cases, their testicles & pocket books) extracted through their navels, the idea of reliving that type of experience can in fact have such an negative effect on them that they choose many light baby approaches to a love life (see many brief “relationships” – the egg shell period as I like to call it). Perhaps of course until they met someone who helps them forget all the scary evils of life….A buddy. With boobies.

My preference is to view men as more courageous than this. But then again, I might just be being a pessimist with a hopeful outlook.

As for the SENS losing last night.

I don't want to talk about it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Country Music Awards

Gosh, I hope I can stay awake! George Straight, Rascal Flatts....Josh Turner (oh, yeah, I'd go with you....), Martina McBride singing "Anyway"... Taylor Swift .... and I'm so happy that Reba mentioned all the men & women in the armed forces .... Vince Gill, Brooks & Dunn... Faith Hill and of course Tim McGraw ...

I've got the fireplace on, milk & cookies in my tummy.

Spider Relocation Services Available Here

Mother's Day was FANTASTIC. A kodacrome of brilliant colours, brightest whites and blackest blacks - a full picture.

The OPP report went well. I'll be honest, I cried on the way home, it was a bit much for me. I was told to expect the possibility of a supina. The telling gut wrenching that is my internal weather vane spinning in gale force winds can relax any time now....

A fifth reconcilliation has been made, that's kind of cool..Wowsers.